Saturday, 21 August 2010

Speaking at the Airport

Even though it’s a good two months before the family and I head off on our holidays - yes, I know, I’m working through the summer months whilst everyone else goes off to play melanoma roulette - I keep thinking about checking in at the airport.

Now the security people would have us believe that the security has been beefed up a lot in recent years. I’m sure it has, and it’s given rise to every cliche you can imagine whilst waiting in the queues:

“Of course, it wasn’t always like this, but what would you prefer, waiting an extra five minutes or getting on a plane with a terrorist?”

Interesting point, is there a third option where you get on the plane with the terrorist and I fly somewhere else? I’m thinking Florida....

The thing it, despite all of this new security, we’re still getting asked all the same questions as we get ready to pay an extra twenty pounds because our luggage has gone over the limit by half an ounce. It’s not my fault, my wife Shelly has never found a decent hair dryer in any hotel room ever, so she insists upon packing her own bloody salon in there! I’m allowed to make hair jokes - I have none of my own with which to make fun.

Again, it’s always the same questions - “Did you pack the bag yourself?”, “Could anyone have interfered with your bags?” blah blah blah. Now I don’t know about you, but I think that the terrorists........prepare yourself.......I think that they may have worked out the right answers.

I mean what did they think was happening on the 10th September? “Ahmed, what do you have for question one?......Oh, so I did pack the bag myself, wow that could have been really embarrassing.”

And we’re all absolutely terrified to try and make a little joke when speaking with the check in people. What do we think is going to happen? An immediate strip search just as soon as I suggest that I allowed some random stranger in army gear to pack my bag for me? It’s like the second we’re confronted with people in authority, our body language tells the world that we are guilty. It doesn’t matter what we’re guilty of, we just are and we really should be taken straight to prison - or hell - whichever is closer.

So if you should happen to work at airport security and have found this blog whilst googling job opportunities, I salute you, because most of us are apparently more terrified of you than we are of The Taliban. Hmmmm - putting that word into a blog - I wonder where else this is going to show up now?

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